No, this is not a blog about timeout strategies, although we do use those a lot around here. This is a statement heard by my daughters when Nature calls and we are out on adventures. Just like what happened on our most recent drive back from Philadelphia. Mom had to fly out a couple of days earlier so it was me and the girls alone on the ride home. We all had the pleasure of using the Montvale Rest Area at the very northern end of the Garden State Parkway.
As a stay-at-home dad with three girls, the issue I face is the need for the men’s room when bathroom breaks are necessary. You wish you could use a Family Room, but there are not many of them, so it is off to the men's room we all go. Which is becoming more and more difficult with Annie who is 7. Now, do I let her go to the women's room by herself? Not sure. What is the right age for a girl, in an unfamiliar place, to be able to use the bathroom by herself? That still does not change the fact that I will need her to come with me when I need to take Kelly and Brigid to the bathroom. And more times than not, I am just like Pavlov's dog: when they go, I have to go. So Annie will still be there enduring her corner of the stall.
As we were approaching the rest area, I could feel my pulse begin to quicken. Now, normally I use the handicap stalls in bathrooms, which provides us with some more room. (Just as an aside - Am I breaking a law by using the handicap stall since technically I do not have a handicap? Well other then the fact that I need to take three small girls into the men's room to pee. What else am I suppose to do? I do not view it the same as if I was parking in a handicap spot to run into Dunkin' Donuts or something. Luckily, a handicap person has never had to use the stall at the same time as us. That will be a fun day when my girls and I come out of the stall and a handicap person is waiting to get in. I can not imagine the questions and comments my girls will have. I am sweating now thinking of the awkwardness that will ensue when Kelly, in her not so quiet inside voice, asks me either "why are they in a chair with wheels" or "how are they going to go to the bathroom?" The whole time Annie will just be staring at the person with her big blue eyes and Brigid will be touching everything on the wheelchair.)
Well back to the Montvale experience. I figured it would not be as crowded on a Tuesday morning, but unfortunately I was wrong. Jam packed with men at the urinals and the stalls. The handicap stall was even occupied! My only option was a regular stall all the way at the end. Somehow we all managed to squeeze in to the space with me telling the girls the whole time not to touch anything. So like a world famous contortionist family we each take turns using the potty. The whole time I am holding Brigid, helping the big girls, and trying not to have them touch anything. Also, I have my very feminine black and white baby bag slung over my shoulder. The big girls finish, they move to their corners, and I take care of my bladder relief and we are finally able to exit the stall. Then it is Brigid's turn at the changing table that always seems to be right next to the urinals. Again the big girls must endure a corner until the diaper is changed.
However, the adventure of the men's bathroom is not done even after all of this. Now we have to wash our hands. And of course, the sinks are always close to the action. Constant questions like: Why do men's rooms have those types of potties? How come I can't use those potties? Hopefully there is not a person right next to the sinks or it is complete chaos. Trying to get them to wash their hands, with soap, and not stare at the man at the urinal. By the end, the sink and the girls are covered with soap and water.
Finally, I understand saving the environment and all and I appreciate the hand dryers. But when you are trying to get in and out of a situation as quickly as possible the hand dryers do not help. Just give me the paper towel option, too! I will make the right choice when I am in there, but with the girls I need speed and efficiency.
As long as I continue to stay at home with the girls, our bathroom breaks will always be in the men's room. That is, until Annie is old enough to start taking Kelly and Brigid to the women's room. The only part of the process I can control now is whether I will have to use the facility also. So as I see it I have two options. Wear a diaper or stop drinking water during the day. After having to change as many diapers as I have in the last few years I think I will go with option two. I will just stop drinking anything all day and never have to go until we get home. I will risk dehydration to not have to use the men's room with my three girls. The craziness of three little girls in the men's room will still happen, but at least my girls will not have to stand in a corner and not turn around!
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