This by far and away is the hardest post I have had to written. Thus the delay in posting anything new for a while. Not because I can not find the words. It is simply because the subject matter is myself and the emotional changes I have discovered recently. And because these emotional changes are not what a typical "guy" should feel. Now I am not saying I am the ultimate "guy-guy", but I would like to think I tend towards to that end of the spectrum.
However, I have to admit that the toll of living with four women and all of the estrogen and hormones in the house have finally begun to take its toll. And that toll is me becoming teary eyed or choked up at the slightest heart-string tugging moment. Sometimes it does not even take that much to get me going. Now there has always been the occasional movie or event were I would get teary eyed and I knew it was socially acceptable by other guys. For example, the end of "Rudy" when they carry him off the field, or even better when all the players want Rudy to "dress in their place" for the last game. You could actually insert any good sports movie ("Remember The Titans", "The Rookie", "Hoosiers", "Field of Dreams", "Miracle", etc.), but for some reason "Rudy" really sticks out more then most. Also, I have obviously gotten choked up on my wedding day and when my daughters were born. I know I have teared up after getting hit in the man parts, which is definitely acceptable. These are all extremely fine events for a man to get teary eyed and feel a little emotion well up in their throat. Those are not the moments I am talking about. Here is a list of some recent situations when I began to get that feeling of I better choke down these tears or I am going to be blubbering like a fool:
- Pretty much anytime "Home" by Phillip Phillips is on a commercial (even car commercials)
- When the 102 year old lady was announced during the State of the Union address
- At the end of "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King", when the new King bowed to Frodo and the Hobbits
- SI articles about athletes overcoming adveristy
- ESPN Segments on kids with disabilities doing amazing sports things
- During our Friday night family movies when watching "Up", "Finding Nemo", "Life of Timothy Green"
But the last straw was when I began to get the apple sized lump in my throat during "For Love of the Game." It was not when Kevin Costner's chararcter got the final out for his perfect game or when he met up with his star crossed love in the airport. It was when his catcher came out to him in the 9th inning and said "We are here for you. We do not stink right now...." I am not sure what else was said exactly. The exact words are not important, because what got me so upset at my emotional reaction was the actor saying them. I was getting choked up by John C. Reilly delivering a cheesy Hollywood movie line. John C. Reilly from "Talladega Nights", "Step Brothers", "Wreck It Ralph", etc. Not exactly your most dramatic thespian in movies today.
I remember a similar experience of getting emotional when I was younger. My family and I were all watching "Beaches" and I started to get the tears in the eyes. I quickly wiped my eyes and said "I think I got something in my eye." Still a line my sisters and parents use when they want to make fun of me. I can remember that so clearly because it was one of the only times it happened growing up. Now it seems I will get emotional if I get a sappy Hallmark card in the mail.
Maybe I am not at rock bottom quite yet. I have not found myself sitting in the car alone singing along, agreeing with, and crying to Adele or Norah Jones. But I am not sure how far I am away from that moment. At the rate the girls are growing and maturing I am sure the increase in hormones is almost going to be palbable in the house. No matter how hard I try, I may succumb to the emotional breakdowns like it was secondhand pot smoke from college in a tiny dormroom. And no matter how much the wifey wants to deny it, at her current age she is closer to menopause and all of that fun then she is to the carefree college years.
So add up three young, emotional girls and one older emotional wife and I am not sure I even have a fighting chance. However, I see this scenario playing out in two possible outcomes. Either I just stop fighting it and get in touch with all of my emotions and just let everything coming pouring out like a volcano. I will sit around with all of my girls eating frozen cookie dough and gallons of ice cream while crying about boys and mean girls. Or I fight the good fight and continue to engage in competitive sports, watching lots of sports and drinking beer and hanging out with the guys. I think I owe it to all of the dads out there with multiple daughters and no sons to choke back the tears and to try my hardest to keep the emotions at an accepatble level. Unless I am watching "Rudy" then it is OK to blubber like a fool. And if the estrogen levels get to be just too much to fight I will immediately set an appointment with my doctor to start the testosterone shot treatment.
